It's been almost a year.....

So I had to post something!

Thank you dumbass...

...for removing yourself from the gene pool and not taking anyone with you!

http://wcpo.com/news/2006/local/11/04/fatal_chase.html

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWOSHIRTS

A big fat happy birthday to Mr. Jimmy Twoshirts!

And now begins the American Heavy Metal Weekend

Truths in life

It's been a while, sorry all. However I needed to take a minute to expound on some of the truths in life.

The shy is blue.
The grass is green except when it is brown.
The water is wet
DON"T FUCK WITH ISRAEL!

Please get that through your thick skulls. Please for my unborn children.

We now return to our regularly programed 3 month scilence.

Question for the Catholics

Competing Catholic holidays...

Is it ok to eat corned beef and cabbage for St. Patricks day even though it falls on a Friday during lent this year?

Good vs. Evil

In a classic case of good vs. evil, I present to you two similiar stories for your review.

Round 1 Good vs. Evil

Note: Both of these are links so I imagine they will get stale soon.

True Power

Thanks to guest writer and good friend of the carhole, Mockfish for this Christmas observation.

I have reached a conclusive conclusion concerning the true culprits who collude, conspire, connive and cooperate to continue and control the considerate consumer cacophony for Christmas cash.

These devious fellows go by the call-signs Duracell, Ever-ready and Energizer. The latter enterprise dares parades itself before the public represented by the ruse of a cuddly, cute pink little bunny and it's insidious little drum.

We found our moderate Christmas budget was horribly crushed by that extra twenty percent expense of that ever more powerful Christmas essential, the disposable battery. Our current total of AA batteries alone approaches four dozens and is still rising.

Friends, countrymen and those others over there whom I have yet to adequately catorgorize, I am at a loss for words. It has been right in front of our bedazzled holiday faces for so long we have simply absorbed it into our catalog of living room geography. Like a crumpled, empty cigarette wrapper tossed carelessly to the floorboards of a smoker are AA-batteries to a parent on Christmas morning. They represent the chronological landmark that is Christmas.

I need not elaborate since if you haven't seen it by now, you may never see it at all. They have you already. It is a most hopeless addiction. I've never taken the term 'power hungry' so literally.

The final tally: 56 AA; 4 AAA; 8 C; 4 D; and 1 nine volt.

Merry Christmas Everyone. We've survived another one and, hopefully we are wiser for it.

Merry Christmas Everybody

Love, peace, joy and happiness to all of you, today and throughout the coming year.

Happy Birthday Ward

Everybody wish Ward Spose a happy birthday!

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody.

OK

The top 30 facts about Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

I did not know that.

Clean Pupies, Stupid Guppies and Old man winter can suck my...

Enter whatever you want for old man winter, I prefer snow "balls" but it's up to you.

My Cody got detailed yesterday, he looks great for a 83lbs. Husky a bit over weight but if he had his balls (which old man winter can suck, if he had them) I'd show him in a heart beat, he looks great. He is also by far the sweetest little dog I know.

Guppies....Uh Have you noticed the increase of idiots on the road? Are people getting stupider or am I just paying that much attention. Driving slow in the High Speed lane? Here are a few rules for everyone:
1. Slower traffic keep right
2. get the fuck off the cell phone, dumbass. If it's critical fine, or if you have Shumachaer skills fine. Other wise hang up and pay attention.
3. TheFordRanger is bigger than you (paid for, and fully covered by insurance) think you stand a chance??? Your Hundai can not take the hit quit being a dumbass.
4. Respect truckers! the big ones! With enough enertia to distroy you and keep going. Flash your lights to let them know they are clear, it helps with your highway karma, besides they are at work do you like people messing with you while you are at work? Think about it.
5. GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO! Quit beating off and fucking drive! 60 in the left lane is ignorant! Get to 75 or 80 or get over! If you are affraid of cops please remain in the furthest right lane.

Thats enough for now, more later, or at least till my next case of road rage. Thanks it helped. Please tell me what gets on your nerves, besides the idiots, retards, and booger eating moorons.

Now for Old Man Winter,

Dear Sir,

Go the (explicative) away, please. You snowed on me today (explicative) and if you could even fathom the hate I currently have for you....I have a car to work on, a nephew I want to play bird mitton with, friends I want to drink mass quantities of beer with, outside! You realize you are ruining my current way of life I have enjoyed since last April. W.E.B.! Please make it warm again or at least just make it warm on Saturdays and Sundays For the remainder of 2005/2006 Winter season, that would be Okay by me. And everyone else if I could guess.

Thank you for your support
Ward G. Spose Esq.

Thank you

To all of the Veterans, a warm and heart-felt thank you to you on this Veterans Day.

It should come as no surprise that I have a touch of the OCD. This is particularly true with some specific objects, I never wear just one shirt (yes it's true), I never leave the house without a pen and a belt, and I never, ever go without my watch (ever).
So imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning without my watch on.
Now, the lovely Mrs. Twoshirts has been telling me for some time that our home is host to something not of this ethereal realm, and while I am not one to dismiss such thoughts out of hand, I have seen nothing in my time in this house that would lead me to believe her.
It was several hours of tearing the house apart today looking for that watch and damned if it just is not anywhere to be found. Before anyone asks the question, no I was not drinking last night, and yes I had it on when I went to bed.
So this begs the question, does anyone have a recommendation for a good watch?

Help wanted

The side project needs some help. Interested bloggers please contact me at the email address on the left.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Gets it

ONE BACON RECIPE PER DAY, EVERY DAY, FOREVER

I think the solution to all of our energy problems lies in somehow harnessing the potential energy of children in costumes at five minutes till six on Halloween night waiting for dad to give them the ok to go.

Well then...

Holy Crap we are alive.

So I guess the summer vacation is winding down, well it is October.

So just what have we been doing?
Well we have some new jobs and some new friends. We drank a few hundred beers (see one post below). We made some progress on some projects, but not as much as we would have liked. We spent quite a bit of time in the gym and are much better for it. We have enjoyed the great weather and taken a few trips and been to a few festivals, races, and other miscellaneous outings. We have spent some time just enjoying our friendships and families. We have won some money and lost some money. And one of us even...well I'll let him tell you about that.
It boils down to we are alive and well and happy.

So what now?
I would love to say that we were going to return with the fury that once graced this page, but I can't. The obligations to other things are just too great. But we are going to roll it back into habbit, slowly. And I hope that by the end of the year we are up to more than once a month. I have some ideas that I want to explore and will share them in time.

But for now, we have not been taken by aliens, and we hope that the last few months have been as good to you as they have been to us.

Pardon our dust.

Not the sort of dust associated with work and renovation, but the sort of dust associated with inactivity and stagnation. So, while you leave footy-prints in our dust, please enjoy the following:

"Don't you monky with the monkey!"

Speaking of dust...

"Take a jumbo, across the water..."

Speaking of seafood...

"boom, boom, boom, another one rides the bus!"