Think Bacon

It's been almost a year.....

2007-11-04T10:40:00.000-05:00

So I had to post something!

Thank you dumbass...

2006-11-05T10:43:00.000-05:00

...for removing yourself from the gene pool and not taking anyone with you!

http://wcpo.com/news/2006/local/11/04/fatal_chase.html

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWOSHIRTS

2006-08-25T09:16:00.000-04:00

A big fat happy birthday to Mr. Jimmy Twoshirts!

And now begins the American Heavy Metal Weekend

Truths in life

2006-07-13T23:45:00.000-04:00

It's been a while, sorry all. However I needed to take a minute to expound on some of the truths in life.

The shy is blue.
The grass is green except when it is brown.
The water is wet
DON"T FUCK WITH ISRAEL!

Please get that through your thick skulls. Please for my unborn children.

We now return to our regularly programed 3 month scilence.

Question for the Catholics

2006-03-17T01:40:00.000-05:00

Competing Catholic holidays...

Is it ok to eat corned beef and cabbage for St. Patricks day even though it falls on a Friday during lent this year?

Good vs. Evil

2006-02-02T07:50:00.000-05:00

In a classic case of good vs. evil, I present to you two similiar stories for your review.

Round 1 Good vs. Evil

Note: Both of these are links so I imagine they will get stale soon.

True Power

2005-12-27T18:18:00.000-05:00

Thanks to guest writer and good friend of the carhole, Mockfish for this Christmas observation.

I have reached a conclusive conclusion concerning the true culprits who collude, conspire, connive and cooperate to continue and control the considerate consumer cacophony for Christmas cash.

These devious fellows go by the call-signs Duracell, Ever-ready and Energizer. The latter enterprise dares parades itself before the public represented by the ruse of a cuddly, cute pink little bunny and it's insidious little drum.

We found our moderate Christmas budget was horribly crushed by that extra twenty percent expense of that ever more powerful Christmas essential, the disposable battery. Our current total of AA batteries alone approaches four dozens and is still rising.

Friends, countrymen and those others over there whom I have yet to adequately catorgorize, I am at a loss for words. It has been right in front of our bedazzled holiday faces for so long we have simply absorbed it into our catalog of living room geography. Like a crumpled, empty cigarette wrapper tossed carelessly to the floorboards of a smoker are AA-batteries to a parent on Christmas morning. They represent the chronological landmark that is Christmas.

I need not elaborate since if you haven't seen it by now, you may never see it at all. They have you already. It is a most hopeless addiction. I've never taken the term 'power hungry' so literally.

The final tally: 56 AA; 4 AAA; 8 C; 4 D; and 1 nine volt.

Merry Christmas Everyone. We've survived another one and, hopefully we are wiser for it.

Merry Christmas Everybody

2005-12-25T00:56:00.000-05:00

Love, peace, joy and happiness to all of you, today and throughout the coming year.

Happy Birthday Ward

2005-12-11T00:57:00.000-05:00

Everybody wish Ward Spose a happy birthday!

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody.

2005-11-25T00:31:00.000-05:00

OK

2005-11-18T02:21:00.000-05:00

The top 30 facts about Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

I did not know that.

Clean Pupies, Stupid Guppies and Old man winter can suck my...

2005-11-16T22:38:00.000-05:00

Enter whatever you want for old man winter, I prefer snow "balls" but it's up to you.

My Cody got detailed yesterday, he looks great for a 83lbs. Husky a bit over weight but if he had his balls (which old man winter can suck, if he had them) I'd show him in a heart beat, he looks great. He is also by far the sweetest little dog I know.

Guppies....Uh Have you noticed the increase of idiots on the road? Are people getting stupider or am I just paying that much attention. Driving slow in the High Speed lane? Here are a few rules for everyone:
1. Slower traffic keep right
2. get the fuck off the cell phone, dumbass. If it's critical fine, or if you have Shumachaer skills fine. Other wise hang up and pay attention.
3. TheFordRanger is bigger than you (paid for, and fully covered by insurance) think you stand a chance??? Your Hundai can not take the hit quit being a dumbass.
4. Respect truckers! the big ones! With enough enertia to distroy you and keep going. Flash your lights to let them know they are clear, it helps with your highway karma, besides they are at work do you like people messing with you while you are at work? Think about it.
5. GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO! Quit beating off and fucking drive! 60 in the left lane is ignorant! Get to 75 or 80 or get over! If you are affraid of cops please remain in the furthest right lane.

Thats enough for now, more later, or at least till my next case of road rage. Thanks it helped. Please tell me what gets on your nerves, besides the idiots, retards, and booger eating moorons.

Now for Old Man Winter,

Dear Sir,

Go the (explicative) away, please. You snowed on me today (explicative) and if you could even fathom the hate I currently have for you....I have a car to work on, a nephew I want to play bird mitton with, friends I want to drink mass quantities of beer with, outside! You realize you are ruining my current way of life I have enjoyed since last April. W.E.B.! Please make it warm again or at least just make it warm on Saturdays and Sundays For the remainder of 2005/2006 Winter season, that would be Okay by me. And everyone else if I could guess.

Thank you for your support
Ward G. Spose Esq.

Thank you

2005-11-11T01:42:00.000-05:00

To all of the Veterans, a warm and heart-felt thank you to you on this Veterans Day.

2005-11-10T01:43:00.000-05:00

It should come as no surprise that I have a touch of the OCD. This is particularly true with some specific objects, I never wear just one shirt (yes it's true), I never leave the house without a pen and a belt, and I never, ever go without my watch (ever).
So imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning without my watch on.
Now, the lovely Mrs. Twoshirts has been telling me for some time that our home is host to something not of this ethereal realm, and while I am not one to dismiss such thoughts out of hand, I have seen nothing in my time in this house that would lead me to believe her.
It was several hours of tearing the house apart today looking for that watch and damned if it just is not anywhere to be found. Before anyone asks the question, no I was not drinking last night, and yes I had it on when I went to bed.
So this begs the question, does anyone have a recommendation for a good watch?

Help wanted

2005-11-10T01:38:00.000-05:00

The side project needs some help. Interested bloggers please contact me at the email address on the left.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Gets it

2005-11-08T23:29:00.000-05:00

ONE BACON RECIPE PER DAY, EVERY DAY, FOREVER

2005-11-08T00:55:00.000-05:00

I think the solution to all of our energy problems lies in somehow harnessing the potential energy of children in costumes at five minutes till six on Halloween night waiting for dad to give them the ok to go.

Well then...

2005-10-15T01:35:00.000-04:00

Holy Crap we are alive.

So I guess the summer vacation is winding down, well it is October.

So just what have we been doing?
Well we have some new jobs and some new friends. We drank a few ~~hundred~~ beers (see one post below). We made some progress on some projects, but not as much as we would have liked. We spent quite a bit of time in the gym and are much better for it. We have enjoyed the great weather and taken a few trips and been to a few festivals, races, and other miscellaneous outings. We have spent some time just enjoying our friendships and families. We have won some money and lost some money. And one of us even...well I'll let him tell you about that.
It boils down to we are alive and well and happy.

So what now?
I would love to say that we were going to return with the fury that once graced this page, but I can't. The obligations to other things are just too great. But we are going to roll it back into habbit, slowly. And I hope that by the end of the year we are up to more than once a month. I have some ideas that I want to explore and will share them in time.

But for now, we have not been taken by aliens, and we hope that the last few months have been as good to you as they have been to us.

2005-09-11T11:00:00.000-04:00

Pardon our dust.

2005-08-26T09:37:00.000-04:00

Not the sort of dust associated with work and renovation, but the sort of dust associated with inactivity and stagnation. So, while you leave footy-prints in our dust, please enjoy the following:

"Don't you monky with the monkey!"

Speaking of dust...

"Take a jumbo, across the water..."

Speaking of seafood...

"boom, boom, boom, another one rides the bus!"

Yes, have some!

2005-08-12T09:25:00.000-04:00

Companies are always designing new armaments that they want to sell to the Armed Services. Usually these are crack-pot knock-offs. HK, however, has a serious contender this time around! Check out that combat shotgun too!

A case of "...wrecking a $10,000 car to save a ten cent squirrel..."

Yet another beer-related pilgrimage/destination spot?!

Remember when these were SOOOOOOO cool!!?? Some of those rallys look like a damn good time too!

The summer moves along and we here at ThinkBacon have been doing more thinking than bloging so please bear with us and enjoy the weather!

"Hey Elvis! Would you like some leomonaid?"

2005-08-04T08:16:00.000-04:00

"Leomonaid! That cool, refreshing drink!"

Lemonade Stand Dispute Ends in 'Merger'

SALEM, Mass. (AP) - A dispute between two boys hawking lemonade and a rival vendor who forced police to shut down their unlicensed stand was resolved Wednesday after the mayor orchestrated what he called "a corporate merger.'' -full story.

I think I'll go have a Coke!

So, You Want To Start a Film Festival …

2005-07-29T07:46:00.000-04:00

Don't.

Ok. So this is isn't a complex post, but that article made me chuckle, and, being a lover of "film," I thought I would share it with you, the viewing audience.

Perhaps you'd like to post your A) favorite movie, or perhaps your B) favorite hardly-ever-even-heard-of-let-alone-ever-even-seen-movie-that-everyone-else-would-
just-LOVE-if-only-they-knew-about-it-and-you'r-going-to-be-their-hero-for-bringing-
it-to-their-attention!

TTFN!

Randomness

2005-07-28T17:10:00.000-04:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah, save it. Fighting back from a thorough ass-kicking, but when "what's for lunch" rears it's head I have to step in.

So:

Get your mash on: RIAA Sounds for the sun-set

Bad ass x infinity: Dodge Challenger concept

Next Carhole project: V8 snowblower

A love-hate thing: GOLDEN MONKEY TRIPEL BEER
Ahem, Alcohol by volume: 9.5%.

Be Good, I'll be back in a while.

Hello.....Hello...

2005-07-26T12:37:00.000-04:00

Sorry not much has been going on around here lately, I guess my cohorts and I are busy. So I thought I'd put something up today. So here goes...

I had Shrimp Cocktail and a Salad for lunch today. It ws YUMMY! What did you have?

Have a nice day!

40 no 40 - Scotty

2005-07-20T14:32:00.000-04:00

Ahh Hell . James Doohan has passed . No question he gets a 40oz. So now it's Scotty's turn to get "Beamed Up"

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"

Rest in Peace

Sounds like a good idea but...

2005-07-20T09:55:00.000-04:00

Those of us here at ThinkBacon/CHE like to consider ourselves beer people. Not quite coinsures but not Beast fans either!

Living where we do offers us the chance to attend the largest Oktoberfest in the world (outside THE Oktoberfest in Germany) each September.

We know beer; we drink beer; we eat.

So, you would think that this would sound like a good side-trip for someone of our "status" to attend.

Think again!

They stop serving beer at NINE PM!!!!!

Slackers.

Zen and the Art of _______

2005-07-19T11:50:00.000-04:00

In light of recent events; I was sitting here pondering Zen and its many followers and praticioners. So, since we here at ThinkBacon search the internets, so you don't have to, I decded upon this post:

Zen and the Art of:

CD collection maintenance, breaking and entering, the Internet, Motorcycle Maintenance, Menstrual Cycle Maintenance, Managerial Maintenance, Divebombing, Archery, many perverse things (NSFW), Art of E-Commerce, Writing, Mayhem, actual Zen!, Guitar, Unix Programming, web sites, Eating, Website Promotion, Art of Blogging, dealing with difficult physicians, dressage, Chilling, Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, IT Management, gardening, Murder, Teaching, teaching systems development, Debunkery, The Mosh Pit, Ethics, station automation, Valuation, Boneyard Maintenance, Creating Life, learning support: combining documentation, training, and online help functions for a unique organizational approach to information development (you get all that?!), Being Jedi, MLA Documentation, the First Gig, Grantmansship, small claims, Pumpkin Bombing, Countersteering, Poker, hacking, massage, PDAs, Logic (not to be confused with Pretzel Logic), Chicken Suckling (and then some...probably NSFW), Base 64, water, A&R, Cocktail Harmony, SOA, Error Messages, cooking, Coxing ("Coxswains rejoice!"), Public Relations, Screenwriting, ASCII, fine living, Haiku, Mayhem, burglary, Woodie Wagons (not what your thinking so stop it!), DNC avoidance, Ripping-Out, law enforcement (can these be even remotly related?!), bodybrushing, Basketball, Mindfulness, Prevention, Controlled Accidents, Fixing a Flat Tire, antiliberalism (isn't that conservitism?!), asian bodywork, ADVENTURE!, Anything

And the list goes on and on. And on and on and on and on and on. Apparently lots of people feel like they have a satisfactory grasp on Zen in order to pontificate upon such an array of unrelated subject matter.

Finally!

2005-07-13T20:49:00.000-04:00

It appears that we may have a NHL season after all!

Meet you at the Joe!!

Like Monkeies Being Shot in to Space....Space Monkies

2005-07-13T09:21:00.000-04:00

Best of luck to the 7 NASA Astronauts getting shot in to space today like Space Monkies.

Rent-a-_____?

2005-07-11T14:11:00.000-04:00

I'm sure we are all familiar with the mundane things we can rent.

Cars, trucks, motorcycles, boats, planes, bikes, helicopters, hot air balloons, Segways, furniture, rocks, jumpers, breast pumps, computers, dumpsters, pig roasters, chocolate fountains, tents, wheels for your ride, raceways, fence, candles, caskets, concert halls, villas, ranches, hostels, lodges, fire lookouts, laboratories, telescopes, museums, castles, tours, even zoos! But did you realize there are many other entertaining things you can rent!?

Why one could rent a whole assortment of things, if one were so inclined!

Many animals such as party ponys, zebra, puppies, kittens, cows, and moose (with accompanying sasquatch handler) are available.

People are readily available too it seems!

Just look at this assortment of midgets, coders, hackers, whizz-kids, genius', nerds, pros (but strangely no cons!,) geeks in general, sponsors, controllers, whole villages; even priests, diggers, chefs, scrappers, friends, husbands, wives, mothers, dates, clowns, jerks, locals, Santa, studs, Sea Captains, Pochers, Negros and Germans!

Humans are the craziest peoples!

OK Change of plans

2005-07-11T09:27:00.000-04:00

I decided I'm not going to do the Gen 3 swap instead I'm going to do this. I think Cobalt is going to have his work cut out.

OH YOUR GOD !!!

2005-07-08T11:08:00.000-04:00

How about some news of the wierd(er) to lighten the mood?

You know something goes STRAIGHT to the old/broke side of town when Netscape reports it as a "Cool Site"

Parents Face Jail Time for Hiring Stripper
You wish your parents were that cool!

Somebody quick! Tell me how to make my pancreas happy!

Plucked from NotW

1995 -- Names that showed up recently on police blotters:
Pleading guilty to rape in Denver, William Freelove;
sentenced for assault in St. Joseph, Mo.,Jesse James;
cited for speeding in Parma, Ohio, Amelia A. Earhart;
charged with assault and burglary in Moorhead, Minn., was a man who would not give his name and is thus listed on the rolls as Mr. Fnu Mnu Lnu (derived from "first name unknown," etc.);
and jailed in Des Moines, Iowa, was Shannon Cooper, who police said went out bar-hopping, temporarily abandoning her children, Champaigne, 2, Chardonay, 1, and Chablea, 3 months.

And finally, from one of my fave spots on the net: http://www.derfcity.com/n/newtoon.html

2005-07-07T09:25:00.000-04:00

Plenty of people, smarter than I am, are going to have commentary on this today, so I will leave that to them.

On behalf of the Think Bacon crew, God bless you our British friends, you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Oh how soon we forget.

2005-07-06T22:11:00.000-04:00

So I went over to the old house tonight , "somebody" pissed me off a bit and I guy offered me a decent some of cash for the head so I figured it's been a while the 2 has been neglected. So I went and did a little wrenching. A few things I learned.

- No mater what if you get a wrench anywhere near that car it will strike out with vengeance and make you bleed. Took a wound to "the oil filter wrench"

- Working on mid engines still sucks

- I'm too freaking big to work on a mid engine

- Unless you are extremely patient, have a death wish, or are so board you can't think of anything better to do. Leave your factory wiring harness where it belongs. (there are exceptions to this rule, car guy secret)

- It is nice to have a shower with a seat in it when you have to Gojo from Head to Toe.

- Don't forget the 12mm socket

And most of all.

- If it's in your way move it - Thanks Dusty!

Have a good Thursday

07/04/2005

2005-07-04T22:29:00.000-04:00

As I sit this evening listening to the sounds of thousands of dollars exploding around the neighborhood, I want to remind myself about this Independence Day. At a point of change I am recently frustrated, mad, discouraged even, by the events that surround my life. But on this night the truth is that the possibilities are endless. There are indeed thousands of opportunities waiting to be grasped and realized, for as an American, there is nothing that is impossible.
So I have some people to thank tonight.
Peter and Bridget for making a very long trip, in very bad conditions, in order to live a very hard life, so that 5 generations later I could have an opportunity to seize the dream you sought, thank you.
Jim, Katharine, Fred and Mary, who saw more hardship in the course of a lifetime that most of us will ever dream of, but made it through to teach us the right way to live, thank you.
And most of all, to the soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines, past and present, who have risked all through a revolution, two world wars and countless conflicts in between, thank you.

Last week Eight Navy SEALs and eight members of the Army's 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment known as the Night Stalkers were killed in Afghanistan when the helicopter they were in was shot down. I mention this not because I knew any of these men, and certainly not to minimize any other life lost in this awful war, but because these men were the best of the best, highly trained and highly motivated. These are the guys that do what must be done all over the world. They do the things that nobody can talk about, but without we would surely be worse off.
So what do we do?
Regardless of your politics there are north of 150,000 men and women that are not having cookouts and fireworks with their friends and families tonight. They are hot as hell, covered in sand, and praying that they make it back their bunk tonight.
So what do we do?
Send one of them an e-mail

"All Wrong"

2005-07-04T12:25:00.000-04:00

Welcome all!

Hey Ward. What's up with this guy? Is he a commie or a "plant" from Honda?

Cobalt. Here's one for you.

Apparently the South may rise again, but they are going to have to go back to school to learn how.

She blinded me, with science!

2005-07-01T09:26:00.000-04:00

As your pinch-bogging host today I felt like a little brain-fomation.

For some fact-meets-fiction stuff, enjoy this site.

Water, the solvent of life, has more secrets than we seem to know.

Seti @ home is still going strong. But if you prefer, there are alternatives!

Some people just get plain silly about such matters.

and finally:

If your not too busy watching fireworks this weekend, perhaps you can watch some of this?

Enjoy your holiday weekend and remember, THINK BACON!

Substitute Auto Info Day

2005-06-30T12:17:00.000-04:00

Here are two (2) sites full of pictury goodness (as JTS would say!)

Looking SOOO good!

Looking SOOO bad!

Sometimes a story sells itself...

2005-06-29T07:52:00.000-04:00

Thousands of mourners gathered in Manila on Tuesday for the funeral of Roman Catholic Cardinal Jaime Sin.

Picture #6 is my favorite.

Cardinal Sin, although conservative in his beliefs, was a very popular
figure.

Thy hyprocasy knows no bounds.

2005-06-28T21:51:00.000-04:00

As a follow up to a recent post about the goverments new powers to sieze your property for the financial gain of said government:

Logan Darrow Clements of Freestar Media, LLC has submited a request to the Code Enforcement Officer for the Town of Weare, New Hampshire to build a hotel at 34 Cilley Hill Road, Weare, New Hampshire, which just so happens to be the current home of Supreme Court Justice David H. Souter.

"Clements, CEO of Freestar Media, LLC, points out that the City of Weare will certainly gain greater tax revenue and economic benefits with a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road than allowing Mr. Souter to own the land."

"The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature the "Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public, featuring a permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America. Instead of a Gideon's Bible each guest will receive a free copy of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged.""

"Clements indicated that the hotel must be built on this particular piece of land because it is a unique site being the home of someone largely responsible for destroying property rights for all Americans."

Links:

http://www.freestarmedia.com/hotellostliberty2.html
http://www.freestarmedia.com/hotellostliberty1.html
http://www.freestarmedia.com/
http://thinkbacon.blogspot.com/2005/06/we-interupt-automotive-day.html

Simmer to taste

Getting a leg up on the art world

2005-06-28T11:53:00.000-04:00

Henderson Legs Raise Eyebrows

Artist Pays Homage To Marilyn Monroe

I wonder if Pete Townshend had any influence too!

You welcome me with open arms and open legs

Islamic hardline group disrupts Indonesian transvestite pageant

2005-06-28T08:29:00.000-04:00

A transvestite beauty pageant in Indonesia was the scene of an unusual clash on Sunday when it was interrupted by a hardline Islamic group.

Talk about your news of the wierd!

Some people just can't STAND it when others are having fun!

Can't we all just get along?!

Official Band of The Car Hole

2005-06-27T17:20:00.000-04:00

Fistfull of Nosehair

Setlist:

Fistfull of Nosehair
Dave Hates Dave
Born Stupid
Western Pistols and Guided Missles
The Car Hole Secret
Stay Up and Go To Bed

The naysayers said I didnt have this written down!

Tyler Durden fortells the future?

2005-06-27T11:02:00.000-04:00

Bar of soap sells for $18,000 at frenzied Art Basel

"We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them."

Or rich men, in this case.

The truth is stranger than fiction, man!

TGIF

2005-06-24T07:21:00.000-04:00

just TGIF.

Time killers/misc entertainment for your Friday:

Tom Cruise on the Universal Efficacy of Vitamins in Treating Every Medical Problem Known to Man

I can recall an incident on the set of ÂDays of ThunderÂ where a stunt driver had a horrible, high-speed accident, just barreled into a wall, and unfortunately he had been harnessed incorrectly. He was screaming in agony, his legs and several ribs were obviously very badly broken, and the first instinct of everyone on the set was to get him airlifted to a medical treatment facility. Luckily, amid all of this hysterical panic, someone was clear-thinking enough to come to my trailer to notify me of what had happened. I sprinted to the scene and insisted the air paramedic be turned away--it was clear to me that what this man was most in need of was a handful of high-potency vitamins, which I administered with all due haste.

Unnecessary Censorship (wmv)

From our friends at JPL (cooler than the carhole) An interactive 3d atlas of the galaxy.

And for Ward: the F1 pitstochallengege.

NOw you can get a lift

2005-06-23T16:25:00.000-04:00

Garage floor collapses, taking new SUV with it With picturey goodness.
Brought to you by Kentucky.

We interupt automotive day...

2005-06-23T13:05:00.000-04:00

to bring you some more bullshit from the SCOTUS.

High court OKs personal property seizures

The Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that local governments may seize people's homes and businesses -- even against their will -- for private economic development.

speechless...

Movies

2005-06-23T12:57:00.000-04:00

Some car movies:

Multi-car pileup on the freeway.

Street racing is stupid.

How fat is your wallet

2005-06-23T11:47:00.001-04:00

Ferrari FXX

Ferrari has developed a truly innovative technical collaboration programme around the FXX prototype aimed at its most dedicated and passionate Clients.

The FXX is the most advanced GT ever created at Maranello and its mission is to involve Ferrari’s most valued Clients as genuine Prancing Horse Test Drivers in their own right. The wealth of data and experience gathered in the course of this very special programme will be exceptionally important.

Great Cars

2005-06-23T11:47:00.000-04:00

Peters Oddball and Micro Car Page

Automotive Day

2005-06-23T08:57:00.000-04:00

Of course Thursday is Automotive day, and that usually includes anything that can be classified as "transportation".

Some related stories of interest from the past few days:

Chinese grocer fights 105 costly traffic fines

A Chinese vegetable peddler has asked a Beijing court to overturn police fines totalling more than a year's pay after he made the exact same illegal turn 105 times

At least he's consistent.

Brazilians buck rising gas prices with innovative fuel

Running their cars on sugar, great idea. Fill your tank, and a bit for your coffee.

One of the Goodyear blimps took a loss this week. With lots of picturey goodness.

The Goodyear blimp Stars & Stripes crashed Thursday night, amidst a spectacular summer lightning storm, into a Coral Springs storage building.

More wrongness

2005-06-22T13:42:00.000-04:00

I guess today's theme is wrongness:

'Menstruating' boy stuns doctors

In an extremely unusual case, a Kolkata doctor is treating a teenage boy who has been showing symptoms of menstruation.

The 15-year-old 'effeminate' boy's bleeding has been occurring in the second week of every month and lasts three days. During the period he experiences stomach aches, cramps, nausea and mood swings.

...

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

2005-06-22T12:14:00.000-04:00

An amazing ammount of wrongness:

Mother's milk saves vet set ablaze on bus

A real-life supermom used a bottle of breast milk to douse an amputee yesterday after his wheelchair was set ablaze by punks on a Staten Island bus, cops said.

There are so many things wrong with this. I. Just. Can't. *BOOM*

The worst

2005-06-22T09:36:00.000-04:00

Raven posted this morning about AFI list of top 100 quotes from U.S. movies. Now I have seen some bad "top x of x" lists in my time, but this one is the worst.
They got a few right:

12. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning,"

54. "There's no crying in baseball!"

64. "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!" (personal favorite)

77. "Soylent Green is people!"

92. "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac ... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!" (which is WAYYYYY to low on the list)

And they have others that are only "great" within the contect of the movie:

98. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner,"

So I must set the record straight: Jimmy's Truly Great Movie Quotes that have been ommited from this shitty list: (will be updated throughout the next few days)

Please feel free to add your own.

"I didn't *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I wanted it to be near its family."

"When someone asks you if you're a god? you say, "Yes!""

"May I have 10,000 marbles, please."

"Alright you primitive screw-heads, listen up. See this? This is my boomstick!"

"Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?"

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K."

"Screws fall out all the time, the world's an imperfect place."

"I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head. And, I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holly Shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."

"The first of many revamps the "Catholicism WOW!" campaign will unveil over the next year . . . I give you the Buddy Christ."

"he 1961 Ferrari, two-fifty GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion . . ."
"It is his fault he didn't lock the garage."

"The central message of Buddhism is not: "Every man for himself.""

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."

"Be fair, alright, everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride."

"And the Lord spoke, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.""

"I don't know, they were jammies. They had Yodas and shit on 'em!"

"I'm The Anti-Christ. And since you got me in a vendetta kind of mood, you'll tell the angels in heaven you never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you."

"Let's get down to brass tacks. How much for the ape?"

What's missing?

A little crazy is a good thing...

2005-06-22T08:22:00.000-04:00

but this is over the top.

Welcome to the OFFICIAL Ted Jesus Christ GOD Site

LIES!!!

2005-06-21T16:37:00.000-04:00

Critters

2005-06-21T10:26:00.000-04:00

News from the critter world:

Your little black backpack: Tiny toads fitted with backpacks, enjoy mp3 players.

Remember to pack the OFF: Alien Woodwasp, Threat To US Pine Trees, Found In N.Y.
Giant bug shown actual size.

Important safety tip: Beware of blood-sucking bugs in your underwear!
Well shityes.

aint it cute

2005-06-20T14:50:00.000-04:00

Old and busted: Ligers

The new hotness: Geep

Roadtrip!

2005-06-20T14:11:00.000-04:00

A long one...

1: Albany, New York

Lawmakers in Albany are encouraging residents and visitors alike to enjoy a tall, cold one.

A bill making its way through the Legislature aims to create a New York state beer trail

2: Iowa Falls, Iowa

Twenty-six teams on Saturday turned 4,000 pounds of cheese, 700 pounds of sauce and 9,500 sections of crust into a gargantuan pie in the Iowa Falls-Alden High School parking lot.

3: Repeat 1

4: BELORECHENSKIY, Russia

More than 11,000 eggs went into making the world's largest omelette.

5: Repeat 1

That explains it

2005-06-20T14:07:00.000-04:00

Michelin defends role in U.S. Grand Prix debacle

French tiremaker Michelin defended its decision to advise Formula One teams to pull out of the United States Grand Prix for safety reasons.

Awesome, we surrender.

seriously?

2005-06-20T12:26:00.000-04:00

FAT CHANCE OF LOVE

TWO thirds of fat men would rather eat than have sex with wives or girlfriends, according to a survey.

In related news, 99% of women don't want to have sex with a fat man.

Who comes up with this stuff?

don't forget the sauce

2005-06-20T10:12:00.000-04:00

Suicide by barbecue

PC James Burgess said: "The whole bathroom was sealed from external sources of oxygen and in there was this barbecue, which clearly had been going for some time."

Random

2005-06-20T09:56:00.000-04:00

This has got to be the most random, hodgepodge news bit I have ever seen:

ATTEMPTS to hold illegal raves could become common in the Welsh countryside this summer, say police.

A MAN had to be taken to hospital by air ambulance yesterday after the vehicle he was travelling in overturned on a Mid Wales road.

Jason Crowther, from Pembrokeshire, was the first to catch up with a giant rolling wheel of cheese after chasing it down a steep hill in Gloucestershire.

Yes, those are all in the same story. I do like the bit about the cheese though.

Link

Monday

2005-06-20T08:14:00.000-04:00

I have got to quit drinking so much on Sunday nights, it is not good for Monday morning. A accidental party just broke out at my house last night, there was nothing I could do.
Everyone have a nice weekend?
Ward has some pretty cool pictures, so harass him until they arrive.
I have no idea where this is going today.

If youre gonna be dumb, you better be tough

2005-06-17T15:21:00.000-04:00

Fun with Molotov Cocktails (wmv)
Ads on page may be NSFW.

Repost

2005-06-17T14:44:00.000-04:00

For Cobalt60: Kenny Rodgers Jackass

Awesome

2005-06-17T14:38:00.000-04:00

Smack my Simpsons up. (wmv)

Huh?

2005-06-17T14:33:00.000-04:00

Why english is hard to learn.

One Free minute

2005-06-17T12:23:00.000-04:00

What would you say, given one free minute of anonymous, uncensored speech?

It gonna rain

2005-06-17T11:17:00.000-04:00

David Lynch tells you about the weather today. (.mov)

Updated (semi) regurlarly

BATMAN

2005-06-17T11:14:00.000-04:00

The new batman movie is out this weekend. Anyone interested?

A HISTORY of BATMAN ON TV AND FILM

Headline of the day

2005-06-17T09:20:00.000-04:00

Man Accused Of Kicking Blind, Dead Dog To Death Enters Plea

(via A Welsh View)

Dear Record Industry

2005-06-17T09:08:00.000-04:00

One man's letter to the record industry explaining why he is stealing their music.

I refuse to pay you to play these pointless games with arbitrary dates and obsolete borders. I can outlast you...
I have stolen from you where you have betrayed the music...
And these are only the handful of reasons I have for stealing. Arguably some of them are good, some are not. Other people may steal less, and for better reasons, and I'm sure plenty steal more for worse or none. But know, in the end, that you created this crisis. You had decades of control, and you spent it on complacency and greed, and so evolved this inevitable rebellion. You took everything you thought you could get away with, and now you are wheezy robber barons begging the government to protect your dwindling hoards. I've defended you for far too long. You smiled when you first got away with selling a Billy Joel LP for $8.98, and you can damn well smile again now when we fold the worthless thing into jagged thirds and ram it up your ass. You created the aesthetic of disposability, and now you are its most beautifully disposable work. We will mourn you in infinite song.

fight the good fight!
(via Cynical-C)

Misc Friday Crap

2005-06-17T08:18:00.000-04:00

Some things to kill some time throughout your day (if you need it).

Caddyshack Trivia Quiz

Everything Ferris Bueller (via growabrain)

Corporate Gibberish Generator (via IP&P)

Think Bacon practically invented the term "mission-critical, dynamic re-purposing"

David Letterman Sounboard

42 Games

Hungry Hungry Hippos

Get a helmet

2005-06-16T15:57:00.000-04:00

Could be fun, could put you in the hospital:

The Wheelsurf.

Hero of the day

2005-06-16T15:55:00.000-04:00

David Coulthard

Louise Goodman asked Coulthard, 36, if he had practised using a new button which controls a car's speed before emerging from the pits.

Coulthard replied live on ITV1: "Yeah I have. I've been imagining it's your nipples so I'm being a bit more gentle when I take my finger off."

Meet george jetson!

2005-06-16T12:49:00.000-04:00

Engineers Build Flying Car That Works

In other news: Car insutance companied all go belly up at once.

Lego!

2005-06-16T12:46:00.000-04:00

Volvo!

Headlines that write themselves

2005-06-16T12:44:00.000-04:00

Glue Spill Slows Turnpike Traffic

I got nothin'.

The 2006 Pinto

2005-06-16T12:43:00.000-04:00

Seven Peugeot cars spontaneously catch fire in Denmark

Compliance and liability.

Off and up out!

2005-06-16T12:40:00.000-04:00

Koenigsegg CCR Breaks World Speed Record for Production Cars

On February 28, the Koenigsegg CCR broke the production road car speed record, achieving a new official top speed of 388 kmh at Italy's Nardo Prototipo proving ground.

And for Ward:

On top of this the CCR broke the official McLaren F1 record of 386.7 km/h, which was set on the 9 km straight line VW Ehra facility in Wolfsburg Germany.

And you didn't like the wait before

2005-06-16T11:54:00.000-04:00

(Indiana) BMV plans to close 24 more branches

What do you think is worse, a disgruntled postal worker, or a disgruntled BMV worker?

Update: Blogger may have answered my question by suggesting BOMB as an alternate spelling of BMV.

(via Torpor Indy)

It floats

2005-06-16T09:14:00.000-04:00

The International Amphicar Owners Club

If you ask me this idea was ababdoned far too quickly.

Turbo boost kitt

2005-06-16T09:07:00.000-04:00

German police can't catch record-breaking speeder

Travelling more than twice the speed limit of 100 kmh, the motorcycle rider was caught on film in a police radar trap near Bad Freienwalde outside Berlin but authorities don't know who the speeder was because motorcycles have no front licence plates.

It was an educational experience

2005-06-16T08:16:00.000-04:00

Mom let 11-year-old son drive to school

A Chicago mother let her 11-year-old son drive the family minivan to school while she and her daughter rode as passengers. The van jumped a curb and plowed into a school zone sign.

So, it didn't turn out so well...

Got a problem?

2005-06-15T15:44:00.000-04:00

How to hire a killer

Nice work

2005-06-15T15:42:00.000-04:00

How to get fired

(via lookatthis)

Good Eats

2005-06-15T15:40:00.000-04:00

How to make Salmon with Cilantro Sauce (in your dishwsher)

A pint

2005-06-15T12:58:00.000-04:00

How to order a Guinness in an Irish pub
(via A Welsh View)

Technology is cool

2005-06-15T10:54:00.000-04:00

How to make some kickass photo/graphic pictures ala Half life 2

Blade

2005-06-15T10:46:00.000-04:00

How to throw knives

Tips for traveling

2005-06-15T10:36:00.000-04:00

How to swear in foreign languages

Most of us know this one allready, but...

2005-06-15T07:48:00.000-04:00

How to get into an Abusive relationship

(via growabrain)

Army training, sir!

2005-06-15T07:44:00.000-04:00

How not to get into the army.

How far will U.S. Army recruiters go to bring young men and women into their ranks? An Arvada West High School senior recently decided to find out. The following is CBS4 Investigator Rick Sallinger's report..

With videoie goodness

psycho

2005-06-15T07:43:00.000-04:00

How to do a "cold reading".

Root Beer

2005-06-15T07:42:00.000-04:00

How to make root beer at home.

Phun with Physics

2005-06-14T16:43:00.000-04:00

The Gauss Rifle:
A Magnetic Linear Accelerator

Good Idea!

2005-06-14T16:41:00.000-04:00

Ban the Internet

To: American People

We, the members of UCAWWW, petition that the Internet (World Wide Web) creates nothing but harm in society today. The Internet is a cause for addiction and sin while taking away traditional family values. Our children are being exposed to filth that causes sexual tendencies and drug addiction. We therefore, demand that the internet be permanently banned from American homes. We MUST restore faith in God and steer clear of the devil!

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Can't stand the heat...

2005-06-14T14:16:00.000-04:00

Indian call staff quit over abuse on the line

Abuse from British and American customers is driving increasing numbers of Indian call centre workers from their jobs, defeated by the strain of handling persistent rudeness.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

*ahem*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...